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 Alleenheidsliefde / Introverts Day 2nd January

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PostSubject: Alleenheidsliefde / Introverts Day 2nd January   Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:14 am

Ahh, January 2. The day that introverts get to breathe a sigh of relief. We can come out of hiding; it’s safe to answer the phone and to stop pretending that we’re under the weather. Hip Hip Hooray! The holidays are over.



Yes, from mid-December through New Year’s Day, those of us with an introverted nature live in a state of perpetual dread. The weeks of office parties, neighbourhood potlucks and open houses drain all our energy. But today we can relax; we made it through.



I speak from experience. My name is Diane and I am an introvert. It surprises most people because I’m outgoing and friendly and, in fact, very far from shy, but I prefer one person and one conversation at a time.



I fought this for years, always trying to be someone else. I made myself go to parties; I tried to fix what I thought was “wrong” with me. It didn’t help that other people would press, “But you’re so good with people”, as if being introverted meant living on the dark side. But I finally got it.



This is also one of the blessings of maturity, a wisdom that brings a “what you see is what you get” self-acceptance, or perhaps for introverts it’s, “who you don’t see is what you get”. It is a great relief to stop trying to be who you’re not.



But it’s no wonder that we introverts are sometimes defensive. Up to 75% of the population is considered extroverted, so we’re outnumbered three-to-one. American culture tends to reward extroversion, while being disdainful and suspicious of reflection and solitude.



I’ve learnt to spot my like-minded peers, though. We’re the folks walking toward a festive house saying, “How long do we have to stay?” Or we’re the ones in the centre of the room assessing others’ interactions and slowly backing towards the door. Introverts crave meaning, so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche.



Here’s what introverts are not: we’re not afraid and we’re not shy. Introversion has little to do with fear or reticence. We’re just focused, and we prefer one-on-one because we like to listen and we want to follow an idea all the way through to another interesting idea. That’s why small talk annoys us. So does pretending to be happy or excited or anything that we’re not.



We saw that play out in the 2004 presidential campaign. Most introverts knew immediately what that campaign-killing screech of Howard Dean was all about. It was the consequence of an introvert trying to act extroverted. I’m sure he attempted that exuberance based on the advice of media consultants: “Dean should be more outgoing, more charismatic.” Well, ya know what? Dean wasn’t any of those things.



I do think that many of our better presidents have been introverts: Abraham Lincoln, Jimmy Carter, and John Adams — both father and son.



If they really were introverts, it makes their rise to the presidency all the more remarkable, because introverts are constantly swimming against the tide.



Introverted children are pressured to “speak up” and “make friends” — or told they’re not leaders. Introverted adults are hounded to “be more outgoing” and tortured with invitations that begin, “Why don’t we all...” No thanks, we don’t want to do anything that involves “we” and “all”; we prefer to visit you, just you, and not a dozen other people.



The 17th-century French philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, “The sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.” Introverts do.



So let’s make January 2 “Happy Introverts’ Day”. We’ll be quiet and happy.



— The Christian Science Monitor.
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PostSubject: ...   Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:19 am

Supa Dude Supa Dude
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PostSubject: Thanks for this ...   Fri Jan 04, 2008 7:49 am

Thanks for this one SIMSI ...

Your chosen title however, may be misleading. For introverts it wont be a problem, but for the
extroverts amongst us, it might lead to misconception. I'd prefer the title "Alleenloper" rather.

It is not that we are misanthropically inclined ... rather we are revolted by crap-talk. Time is so
much in short supply, but most of the time, time is spent with most peeps just chit-chatting ...
talking crap. We became very adept in doing so, for the alternative, talking sense, is almost
extinct amongst our fellow human beings.

I readily agree with the following "Diane" statements in your above post:


  • I prefer one person and one conversation at a time;
  • I fought this for years, always trying to be someone else. I made myself go to parties;
    I tried to fix what I thought was “wrong” with me;

  • It is a great relief to stop trying to be who you’re not;
  • Culture tends to reward extroversion, while being disdainful and suspicious of reflection
    and solitude;

  • Introverts crave meaning, so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche;
  • We prefer one-on-one because we like to listen and we want to follow an idea all the
    way through to another interesting idea;

  • Introverts are constantly swimming against the tide;
  • We don’t want to do anything that involves “we” and “all”; we prefer to visit you,
    just you, and not a dozen other people;

  • The sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in
    his room.

Extroverts have little or no understanding of introversion. They assume that company,
especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to
be alone; indeed, they often take offence at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to
explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood.
They listen for a moment and then go back to chit-chatting.

Introverts tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking. The
only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.

I hope that someday, when
introversion is more widely understood, it will not be impolite
to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you, but now please shush,
tula
", whilst at the same time not giving up the "right" to say "please hamba now".
study DrinknCoffee
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PostSubject: Re: Alleenheidsliefde / Introverts Day 2nd January   Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:59 pm

Quote :
I'd prefer the title "Alleenloper" rather.
....
Very well ... yet, the word 'Alleenheidsliefde " ... rather means that
the person or persons prefer aloneness ; solitariness ; therefore a
"loner" ... or the sound of being alone ... alone but not lonely ...
, if you willl ... the word: "alleenliefde" was used in the topic on the kamblaser .... and seems to be in use by the Namakwalanders ... Beautifully descriptive of the real thing ...
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PostSubject: ...   Fri Jan 04, 2008 11:06 pm

Quote :
party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche;
..... to me ... the true sense ...

have you ever watched dancers dancing without music ? ... same feel I get when i watch peeps chit chatting .. especially after a funeral ... everyone says everything and everyone says nothing ... you see their lips moving but hear and feel only : "sandpaper to your psyche" ...
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